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Can You Lose Yourself Winning?

Oct 9, 2007
I can never say I never win anything again. I bought a church raffle ticket and won a spa weekend for two. John is definitely not the spa type, but he agreed to go because he's the free type.

We went for early morning walks, late night Jacuzzis and draped our bodies over pool, lounge chairs in between. I was so relaxed I didn't discover there was a gift shop until the second day.

John reluctantly agreed to pry himself from his chair and have a massage with me, but then I was on my own. I had a mineral scrub, an herbal wrap and a facial. The only spa service I didn't have was a mud bath. Although other guests praised the cleansing and restorative powers of the mineral-rich soil, I couldn't make myself sit in mud. Pigs sit in mud, but I've never seen a cleansed and restored pig.

However, the buffet meals were beautifully presented pig-outs. There were platters of fruits and vegetables, tureens of soups and baskets of breads - but no meat. The beef in the stroganoff was tofu, the chicken in the coq au vin was tofu and the veal in the scaloppini was tofu. The chef had all sorts of tricks up her sleeve; but if she'd pulled a rabbit out of her chef's hat, it would have been tofu.

After Saturday lunch John and I returned to our pool lounges to relax from a hard morning of pampering. The next thing I knew I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. An angelic voice told me it was my time - my time for a vitamin smoothie. I smiled as I was handed the parasol-topped treat. John smiled too - but not because of the smoothie. He was smiling at the thong-bikini-wearing angel.

Although the staff - men and women - was entertainment for the eyes, more conventional entertainment was offered at night. Friday night there was a lecture on keeping skin looking youthful. Formerly I'd done that by hanging out with older people.

Saturday night there was Bingo. Who knew more guests would be interested in Bingo lines than the lines on their faces. Although John and I didn't win one of the luscious-looking, dessert prizes, our glasses of non-alcoholic wine were still half full. We hoped our losing streak would continue when we got home the next day and got on the scale.
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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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