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Discover The Truth About Marriage

Oct 12, 2007
Years ago, when couples married, they did not have any books to help them. They had no professional premarital counseling. And yet they and their generation developed far more stable families than we do today, with all our books, counseling and scientific knowledge. Why?

In the first place, they had a much better chance of marrying "our kind of folks." In Grandpa's day the range of selection for most young folks was about as far as Dobbin could travel and get back the same day - probably less than ten miles. The problem of choice was certainly a whole lot simpler in Grandpa's day.

Secondly, people understood what marriage meant at that time, far better than most young people know what it means now. When Susie said "Yes" to Harry, she knew what she was getting into. What is more important, she had learned from her mother how to handle it.

She could not only bake a pie, but also tend a garden, raise chickens, make clothing, and manage a household. She and Grandpa would never have dreamed of discussing sex. But both of them had been brought up on farms where animals were bred. In some ways they knew more about it than their less inhibited grandchildren. Marriage selection today is difficult and full of challenge. How can you know what you will want in a wife or husband years from now? How can you know what he or she will be like at the very time when your mate will be most important to you? Furthermore, even if you do know what you may want, how can you know that you are getting it?

There will be a right person, not the right person for you. The notion that there is and can be only one right person is obviously nonsense.

There are perhaps a dozen girls in all the world with any one of whom marriage to a particular young man would be ideal through the years. It would be far from "perfect." Even in the best possible marriage he would not be happy all the time.

There would be, depending upon his and her temperament, a certain amount of clash and conflict. And the always pleasant, sweet-tempered girl might prove far less enriching and enjoyable than the one who, because she had a mind of her own, could bring a certain spice and zest into the relationship.

A highly suitable mate would be one who would be well adapted to a happy and satisfactory relationship. Let us assume that a young man lived in a town in which there were about a thousand available girls. Of these, none would be ideal, and only two or three would be unusually suitable. But of this number there might well be some twenty or thirty who would be highly suitable for him. None of these might be in his high school or social group, or belong to his church.

To find a highly suitable mate might require careful and extensive search. One way of doing this would be to find the particular groups and activities to which such a person would naturally be attracted. If he lived in a small town, he might have to move to where the chances for selection were better, not necessarily a larger place, but a different kind of place.

Suppose that the man would be best suited by a quiet homebody who would be a loyal, stable, and efficient housewife, and willing to bear children. Such a man might well find a better selection in a small Iowa town than in Chicago or New Orleans. Not everyone could, by searching, find someone of high suitability who would be willing to marry him. But for many, high suitability is a real possibility if they are willing to make the effort.

Finding a suitable mate is of paramount importance for happiness in marriage. It makes sense to consider the above points to get a good start in seeking out your marriage partner.
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