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Locking Out Emotional Baggage

Oct 17, 2007
Getting into a relationship is like baking. The recipes are prepared, baking instructions at hand, and the first attempt begins. However, it did not turn out exactly as what is expected out of the whole baking experience so there's a second attempt. Recipes are carefully selected, steps to baking are learned by heart, and the second trial happens. Still, it is not as good as it can be, but surely better than the first. The third experience is easier but there's more hesitation. It could be that the feeling of insecurity and disappointment is more prominent than the longing for the cake.

Decisions of the heart are sometimes the most difficult to make. It is nightmare for some and definitely not a bed of roses for the others but still they find ways on how to make things easier to live with. The problem with some is that they judge other people based from their past bitter experiences.

Falling in love, getting hurt then loving again is a cycle as well. People learn from past mistakes and these shortcomings are used as guidelines on how to try to perfect the next relationship. For some, recovering from a break up or marriage separation is easy, but there are some who find it hard to get by and what keeps them from moving on are the memories they carry with them.

Such memories are what others know as emotional baggage. The pieces and small bits of the past linger on. They are like packed winter clothing and personal effects taken into a trip in Hawaii, not needed but the person can't get away without them.

But what specifically are samples of emotional baggage?

- Old pictures of being together
- Tell tale stories that is played over and over again
- Common friends
- Places that could be a reminder of the person
- Songs that make them cry
- Communication with the other person's family
- Gifts from the other person
- Self-pity (nobody will love them again, she's not worth it, falling in love will mean getting hurt again)

These things smash up the remaining confidence and strength of a person who has been hurt from the past relationship. Dreams have been torn apart the world stopped evolving for sometime. The hope of getting back together with the person who caused the pain is normal, but never helpful. It will not lead a love life that is longed for and not successfully attained from the previous relationship. This is the time when it is so good to remind the person that his or her world could have evolved in him or her, but remember he or she is not the whole world. There is so much to experience out there and his/hers is just a part of the most promising things that is yet to come.

Love can mean kissing different frogs along the way. Five to six month is enough to sulk over a break up. Loss of self-esteem is the alarm clock. Once this sounds, there should not be a snooze button, rather, get up and bring one's-self together back. Start eliminating broken memories by throwing or burning pictures, gifts or anything that is a reminder of the past. Cut all communication with his or her family members in the most civil way. Because if this is continued, there can never be peace of mind. Show friends that everything is all right now. This will keep them from mentioning the past in the most awkward moments. And last but most importantly, get that confidence oozing again.

Use the past as a challenge and a stepping-stone instead of a barrier to a happier next relationship. Learn to laugh again, hey! It's all part of growing up. Be happy for what happened as this makes a person more mature and perked up. Move on and start making plans for the future again. It may not be a totally different plan, just a new way of reorganizing the ways to keep dreams come true.

Put every emotional baggage out of the closet, out of the bag, and out life. Start picking up the pieces and be ready to meet the frogs again.
About the Author
My Relationship Tips offers hundreds of dating and relationship tips for men and women.
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