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What Not to Do on a First Date

Oct 24, 2007
A first date is all about making an impression --preferably a good one! However, as much as you want to make this other person like you, you need to be careful that the positive impression you're making is the real you, and not a fictional part that you are acting out in order to be what you think your date wants you to be!

First dates are often uncomfortable, and so the thing that you must do is to make your date feel at ease. Don't allow any silences to grow between you. There's a fine line between a friendly break in conversation, and an awkward pause so make sure that if you do feel as if you're searching for something to say, you have a quick fix list of conversation starters that you can try on your date. These shouldn't be on topics on which you have strong feelings; a first date is not to show yourself as being a crusader, especially if you have no idea if your partner shares your views! You can however ask if they like movies, what movies, what TV shows they like, if they like to travel, where would they like to one day visit--safe topics! You shouldn't monopolize the conversation. Find out about them. Tell them about you when they ask, but don't spend all night telling them about your entire family and professional ambitions!

Don't wear anything over the top on your first date. Even if you are by nature a flamboyant individual dresser, or alternatively a strictly professionally laundered suit man, make sure that you dress according to the place you are taking your date. Over, or under, dressed and you could make your date feel that people are staring at you for the wrong reasons and make them uncomfortable. You should also feel relaxed in the clothes that you're wearing--for example if you usually wear a suit, you wouldn't be comfortable in baggy jeans and sweater, so choose something that's still stylish and smart like your suit, but slightly less business-like than you usually wear.

Don't take control of the entire evening! Let your date have some part of the decision making process. Check that the venue you've chosen for the date is to their liking--they will probably agree because they also want to make a good impression, but at least you did ask. Allow your date to choose their meal, rather than ordering for them. If your date says no to alcohol--or anything else for that matter--accept no is no and not maybe! Don't try to change their mind, respect that they are entitled to say no.

First dates are tricky. Having to make a good impression, while being yourself, and at the same time not appear to be overly anxious or keen, or needy, isn't easy. Pick the right partner, and take them to a place where you will both feel comfortable, keep a mutual conversation (not monologue) going, and don't do anything to 'stand out' from the rest of the crowd in a negative way, and you'll stand a good chance of making it to a second date!
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called Hot-Firefighters.com along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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