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How to Make A Habit of Winning Others

Oct 31, 2007
You can start right now to win your way with others by remembering, "Habit is the deepest law of human nature." (Carlyle) Also, "Habit is necessary to give power." (Hazlitt)

Have you ever noticed how some people have the happy habit of being charming and interesting persons? You like them instinctively and you have the feeling that they like you also. And also notice how others habitually fail to attract either attention or admiration? You just can't warm up to them.

Now, then, it is a well-known psychological law that a habit is formed through pleasurable repetition. The first time we tasted candy we liked the taste. Because we wanted to continue the pleasure we repeated the tasting. This established the pleasant habit of enjoying candy. It is something we like to be associated with constantly.

The very same principle applies in a person-to-person relationship. Someone meets you and you offer him a pleasant smile. Because he likes to be smiled at, he goes away with a warm memory of your smile. The next time you meet him perhaps you say something complimentary about him. Your compliment reinforces the warmth already generated by the previous smile. He enjoys thoroughly the pleasurable sensation-upon-pleasurable sensation.

The third time you meet, ask him to tell you about himself. This adds a third pleasure to the first two. About this time his mind gratefully asks, "Why do I feel so good?" Another part of his mind replies, "Because of the person who supplies you with your warm feelings." He now associates you with his pleasant feeling of self-esteem. His liking for himself overflows into a liking for you. He can't help but be attracted to the author of his pleasure.

Furthermore, because he likes you he will want to please you. So that you will continue to supply him with pleasurable feelings, he will do whatever he can to supply you with the same. (Here we see at work the familiar law of give and take.)

Summary: Your repeated pleasantries will induce the other person to habitually yield to you the very best that he or she possesses. By this means you can build a habit of winning others the effortless way.

One way to establish yourself as a repeated winner in your human relations is to observe people closely.

It will help you to remember that there is no such thing as knowing all there is to know about engaging and winning people. You must continually seek to understand why and how people behave as they do, for "Whatever you cannot understand you cannot possess." (Goethe) The campaign requires constant additions to your know-how. Knowledge piled upon knowledge gives you power upon power.

You can gather all sorts of useful information about people just by watching their physical movements, such as the way they walk and gesture. Dr. Sandor S. Feldman points out, "Every human being has his own particular gait through which he can be characterized and recognized."

People who fail to get places with other people are like the little boy who kept falling out of bed at night. When his mother asked him why it always happened he shrugged his reply, "I guess it's because I stay too near the place where I got in."

You need not fall out in your relations with others. Not if you will persistently go beyond whatever knowledge about people you now possess. Not if you will assume that there is always a lot more to learn. There always is. "Victory," declared Napoleon, "belongs to the most persevering."
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