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One Reason People Struggle To Find Love Online: Courage

Nov 3, 2007
Love is complex. I don't know anyone who can claim otherwise. However, I do know that there is one thing that chronically keeps people from finding love online. It is the lack of courage that people display when dating online. It has repeatedly led to disappointment, frustration and unfulfilled desires. You might be wondering what courage has to do with finding love online. Courage is for more than Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, even if you don't live in the land of OZ.

Courage is an essential element for you to make tough decisions. Forging a relationship that has some meaning and substance requires effort and engagement that is filled with tough choices. Here are my top 5 areas where an extra dose of courage is beneficial.

1. Getting into the game - How many people do you know who are single and lonely yet they refuse to try online dating? I have run across a few. Sometimes they rationalize "I heard about that one time when so and so met that weird guy. There's no way that I'm trying online dating." It is counter-intuitive thinking, given that thousands of people regularly establish meaningful relationships using online dating sites. You have to have courage to overcome your fears to walk into the new and unfamiliar.

2. Staying committed to your desired criteria - If you are wise, you have already decided what are your non-negotiable items when looking for a mate. Many people haven't decided what is their walk away point yet they plunge in head-first none-the-less. If you have determined your non-negotiables, great. But this is the just the beginning. You have to stay committed to what you said was important. Don't be blinded by your feelings. When people fail to have the courage to stick to their non-negotiables, their conversations are usually littered with the following expressions, "But I feel when I am with him, He makes me feel, I feel, I feel, I feel." You forget about what you said and are led by what you feel, only to realize three years later that you should have listened to you what you said originally.

3. Keeping your clothes on - I could park on this point for the rest of this article but I won't. The only thing that I will say here is that sex is one of the most powerful forms of expression that God gave us. If it is not used correctly, you might end up making unwise decisions only to realize it months later, once the 'afterglow' wears off. Besides, who wants to experience the 'walk of shame' two weeks into meeting their new guy? You know the 'walk of shame.' It's when you bump into your neighbors returning home at 7 a.m. wearing the same clothes that you had on when you bumped into them the night before when you mentioned that you were going out. Keep your clothes on. You'll make better choices. If it is really that good, it will be just as good when the time is right.

4. Tossing him back - So you met a nice woman online and there is something about her that has got your nose wide open. Unfortunately, she has violated one of your non-negotiables and has been virtually criminally negligent on two others. But you say, "I finally have someone to spend the weekend with!" I know. But you know that she is not right. You have to have courage to toss people back and face a period of being by yourself so that you can be available and ready for the right lady.

5. Getting back out there after disappointments - The cold truth is that a lot of interactions won't lead to anything. There's no way around it. Don't get bummed about it. You have to have the courage to get over it and get back out there. It is the only way that you will find the person that you desire.

Courage. It is part of any plan for a successful journey. It worked for Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, and it will work for you too.
About the Author
Myles Reed, Jr., who dubs himself The Internet Dating Expert, is the author of Fishing for Love on the Net. He spent 6 years living and breathing all aspects of dating online, and gives great guidance and hope to those looking for love online. Visit Love.
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