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Dating Relationship: Do You Want a Relationship or a Trophy?

Nov 21, 2007
Many of us have experienced it over the years. You meet a girl that you have a great platonic relationship with and then the pressure starts to build. Where is it coming from? Odds are it is from the other guys who want to know why you have not gotten more intimate with her i.e. sex. The result is a great relationship turns into an attempted conquest. In many guy circles, you either win or you lose when it comes to women.

That kind of attitude has left quite a number of men (even the alleged winners) sitting in the silence of their lonely rooms wondering, "What happened?" Even with the powerful emergence of internet dating online, speed dating, live chats and all the other innovations, the same attitudes of victory or defeat are on full display.

No woman wants to be a footnote or just a notch on some guy's bed post. The majority of women deal in terms of relationships not sports. With that said, there a few things to keep in mind.

1. Communicate
Forget those old movies where the hero plays the strong silent type and the women swoon. That may go for some but most women want communication. You may think sitting there on a date quietly practicing your Clint Eastwood poses and attitude is a win win situation but more than likely, she will think you have nothing useful to contribute to the conversation. Worst than that, she may think you have not been listening and that really ticks women off.

Dating is sharing. Listening and asking her intelligent questions means you are fully engaged. Be prepared also to contribute some personal information. Not that you have to tell her your life's history at one sitting but enough to add to the conversation. The more interesting you are the more she will want to know about you.

2. Confidence or Jerk
Women may have the maternal instinct but that does not mean they are looking for a cry baby. Have confidence in yourself and keep the self pity to a minimum. She is not going out with you to audition as your therapist. Leave all the self analyzing at home.

At the other end of the spectrum is the jerk. To quote an old song, "He's a legend in his own mind and God's gift to women." No woman wants to excuse herself from the table constantly because she can only take your arrogance in small doses. You are not the King of Siam so show a little modesty.

3. Time
Attraction can happen instantaneously but growing a relationship takes time. If you feel that you would like to know her a lot better than you do and that includes mentally and emotionally as well as the physical, then be patient. The old saying anything worthwhile is worth waiting for goes double for relationships.

No woman wants to be a trophy that you put on the mantle piece to show off to your buddies so do not put your dating relationships in terms of winning or losing. Communicate, be confident without turning into a jerk and give the relationship time. Remember the only one that you should concentrate on impressing is her.
About the Author
Daryl Campbell invites you to get tons of relationship and dating tips, tools, videos, up to the minute information as well as a free copy of 101 Romantic Ideas. It's all at The Dating Tip
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