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3 Secrets To Make You The Savviest Woman Alive

Dec 7, 2007
Some women think they know their men because A) men are direct, and B) directness makes them infinitely knowable. If the first statement were true, the second might be as well. But neither absolute statement is true. If you're a smart woman, you instinctively know that.

Secret 1: Men are not direct--or logical--no matter what they claim. That is, some men are and some men are not, and not all the time. Besides, directness doesn't necessarily make someone knowable.

Men may appear direct because they can be blunt and forceful. Men's voices are deeper, with fewer ups and downs than women's, so they can seem factual and even-keeled. But do men really know their own minds?

If we are talking about a man who is not particularly aware of his feelings, he may know his mind, but not his heart. Choices are made by both mind and heart, so being aware of one's mind (in this case, one's left brain) is not enough.

From now on, when a man tells you something, "listen" with your ears, your eyes, your heart, and your intuition. Does what he's saying match what he's doing? Does his tone match his words? Do his gestures match and seem smooth and natural--or are they abrupt, jerky, or stiff? Do his eyes look into your eyes or avoid them?

Know the answers to these questions, and then decide how much truth he's speaking. Sometimes a man doesn't intend to lie; he simply doesn't know his own heart, or doesn't want to know.

It may also be that his right brain and his left brain are fighting each other more often and more fiercely than yours do.

Example:

John's Left Brain: "She's the mother of my child, I should marry her!"
John's Right Brain: "There's so much out there for me--I want to be free, not tied down!"

Does this mean that John will not marry the mother of his child and commit to living as a family? No. He would simply have to reconcile his feeling of stuckness with the feeling that responsible fatherhood is a good choice. Is there a way to be a good father and still feel free? If he can find a way for them to coexist, he may be on his way to the preacher.

For example, might he realize that being a live-in father gives him more freedom instead of less?

He gets to raise a child the way he thinks a child should be raised, instead of being forced to let the mother make all the choices.

He gets to revisit his boyhood loves: playing baseball, fishing, or whatever they were, by enjoying them with his son.

He gets to play again, in ways adult men usually do not, bringing imagination and spontaneity to his life.

He gets to feel, express, and accept unconditional love. (There is nothing freer than something without conditions.)

Secret 2: Men Don't Really Want To Go It Alone.

The male loners in the movies go it alone. But not the mob bosses, the genius entrepreneurs, or the steamiest front men of the hottest bands. They have people behind them: Many male artists have more extensive and omnipresent entourages than women artists. And these guys don't do hair, makeup, or wardrobe.

They simply offer safety and a sense of comfort and "home." Because men get lonely and scared. They don't admit it much. And they certainly don't have the capacity a woman has to strike up a conversation with another woman about where to get a decent manicure, and bond on sight, lessening the pain of loneliness. All without worries that somebody is cruising somebody!

To compensate, a man brings his bonds with him. That loser cousin may actually be the one keeping him feeling balanced, safe and okay.

But it doesn't need to be a loser cousin doing that job, does it?

Hmmm, who else could it be?

Secret 3: Men Need Love From Women More Than Women Need Love From Men.

It's true. Men like hanging around with the guys but rarely share with them what they can share with a woman--especially if that involves fears, weaknesses, or strong emotions other than anger.

All of us think better about our difficult decisions when we have a sounding board. But men aren't always a good sounding board for other men.

Men tend to need to prove themselves as smarter or stronger in front of their male friends. They may be buddies. But they are still competitors. And whether they are competing for women or money, they are competitors with the same talents or tools.

Women aren't direct competitors in that way. Life is not a job description, where the necessary talents and tools are listed. In life, women and men may share some talents, but they have many others that are different.

If you are not a direct competitor, you are a safer sounding board.

That's why, when we are at our best, men trust their women more than they trust other men. What makes them distrust us is when they realize how much they have invested in a woman, and how powerful it can make her.

Scary, right? And scarier for a man than for a woman, because hey, you have plenty of confidants while he probably doesn't.

So he needs you more than he wants to need you. And he has to trust you more than he wants to trust anyone.

How does that make you feel? Now, what are you going to do with it? ©2007 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Wendy Lapidus-Saltz, principal of Jaguar Mind LLC, is a mind coach certified in hypnotherapy, NLP and other disciplines. She created the Hypno-Attraction® Hypnosis for Love CD and workshops on the topic of love and relationship. Her office is located in Chicago's Gold Coast area. Websites: http://www.hypno-attraction.com and http://www.nonsmoker4life.com
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