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How To Save Or Improve Any Relationship - No. 1 Tip

Dec 11, 2007
No. 1 Relationship Tip - Apply this and you will be amazed at how your relationship recovers or improves!

"Give whatever it is that you feel is missing in your relationship and you will immediately receive the same thing in return."

How this works...

At first sight this seems a crazy thing to do, after all, if we do not have something, how can we give it to somebody else? We may even feel resentment towards the other person for having failed to give us what we desire - why should we give them anything?

Although this tip does initially seem counter-intuitive, it contains within it the single most powerful method for improving the quality of our relationships and indeed, finding more happiness in life. Let's look at a typical relationship difficulty to see how it might work...

Let's imagine I am in a romantic relationship and I have begun to have had serious doubts about it. Over recent months my partner and I have grown apart and find ourselves either arguing about things or just withdrawing into our own space. Those wonderful feelings of love that we started out with at the beginning of the relationship have faded and now I wonder if she is the right woman for me. I would stay with her if she gave me more love and attention.

This is a situation that millions of us find ourselves in and can easily lead to a broken relationship. The first thing to recognize is that when two people come together they both bring to the relationship their NEEDS - these will vary but all of them will include the need to be accepted, understood and loved. It is in trying to have our needs met that problems arise in a relationship because it can easily become a fight to make sure ours our met at the expense of our partner.

Typically, in any relationship there will be aspects that we feel our missing - our partner is not giving us something - they are not fulfilling one of our needs. In my example it might be that I feel my partner is withdrawing from me and feels distant. In this case she is not moving towards me with a sense of love and connection. I will tend to assume that this is something she is failing to do. The way through this is to realize that it always takes two people to withdraw. At some level I must also be withdrawing and she will be feeling exactly as I do about me and the relationship, even if she is unable or unwilling to express this due to a lack of awareness or a fear that to do so would jeopardize the relationship.

The solution is therefore to recognize that WHAT I WANT from the relationship (more closeness and love) is what I am CALLED TO GIVE. If I can let go of my need for her to make the first move and come to me and instead move towards her with love and compassion, then she will feel better about the relationship and move towards me with the same sentiments. This technique brings us back into partnership and allows for meaningful communication and increased connection - this is why it is a relationship saver!

This will always work and solve any relationship problem. The trick is to spot the needs that are not being met and then giving them unconditionally to our partner (or anybody else we are in relationship with - this works for all relationships). Whatever we feel is lacking in a relationship is exactly what the other person is feeling. By gaining the empathy for their feelings and having the courage and determination to give what we feel we are lacking, transforms the relationship. This in itself is beneficial but this giving through our own needs is also the key to a happy life.

You may be doubting that this can work... so don't take my word for it... experiment with it in your own relationship, and if you can give unconditionally, you will be very pleasantly surprised!
About the Author
Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationship counselor and life coach. He runs relationship and self-development workshops in the UK. For more free relationship advice and information about relationships go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com
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