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Ever Heard Of Office Rage?

Dec 23, 2007
I don't have the most satisfying job in the world. I've been here for six years now and was taken on as post room assistant, but I have so much more potential and they just don't see it!

I have received two additions to my responsibilities in recent months. The first was to be put in charge of the stationery. Well, now I can order pens and notepads to my hearts' content and have even been known to make free with the sticky tape. I like to keep a strict eye on files though, it's not like they come cheap.

I have also recently been in receipt of a 'promotion' to look after all the office printers, copiers and fax machines. This includes ordering printer ink, ink cartridges and fax cartridges. Now my spending spree runs into pounds on a monthly basis. Where will it all end, I ask myself.

I might not be satisfied with my lot in life, particularly where work is concerned but I do like to do a job properly - however mundane it may be. You would never believe the way people mis-use office equipment with no regard for the finer workings of it.

If a copier is jammed and I am called to sort it out, by time I get there some imbecile is thumping it on the side. This has never worked so why do they continue to do it? Talk about office rage.

If they have a run on copying - and they so like to copy every damn thing - they don't tell me. They wait until they run out of ink and then shout and swear at the copier. Do they not comprehend inanimate objects do not understand English?

Of course, I can keep a store of ink cartridges and fax cartridges but with fifteen office suites to cater for, it gets expensive. They did insist on buying so many different types of copiers and printers that I can't even buy in bulk to cover all of them. It makes no difference anyway. I order online and delivery is fast so they often get them the same day.

I have set up a system for testing the printers on a weekly basis to keep a check on the printing capacity but for this I get called an anorak! Fine, let them run out. Let's see who they call for then.

So, time goes by, I keep the stationery cupboard tidy and stocked and have emailed a request to all staff to please refrain from thumping the copiers and printers as it just creates further problems and causes me to have to call out engineers. That has the knock on effect of creating a back log of print jobs and then a sudden run on ink. Will they never learn?

Despite doing such a good job, my applications for further promotion have been turned down. Christmas is coming up, along with the all important office party, and at least I have been asked to help with the arrangements. My calls for a little decorum to be exercised have fallen on deaf ears and I am back to being labelled the office anorak.

There has been a run on the printer inks in the lead up to Christmas. Personally, I think staff are taking advantage and printing off their own Christmas cards but who am I to complain?

The night of the office party arrives and I am feeling more than a little disheartened at the prospect of another year confined to the stationery cupboard. As the wine flows, I am feeling more and more like the butt of many of their jokes. Well, I'll show them. I know how to have a good time by pouring excesses of wine down my throat.

By 11.30pm, I am sat next to the Canon BJ 10 Series - one of my favourite models. After insisting to the staff that this model, along with all the others, will not produce more ink if you swear at it, I have found, in my drunken state that it is quite a good listener!

Then I am struck with an idea. So, they've labelled me the office anorak, they think I don't have a sense of humour or know how to have a good time. Well, take a look at this. I have photocopied my bare behind for all to see and programmed the machine to send to all offices! Now let's see who's boring.

The next day, coming to my senses, I begin to hazily recall what happened the night before. Oh my god, please tell me that was just a dream. I'll never get a promotion if I did that. I turn into work feeling sheepish but there is no response from anybody. They pass by me, hardly noticing me as usual.

By lunch time I have relaxed enough to be sure it was just a dream. I have had numerous complaints from the ranks about copiers and printers not working so, taking it in my stride I take a special trip around the offices.

Having turned off supply to all machines, I top up printer ink, un-jam paper and pacify complainers. Switching all machines back on from my main point I hear the satisfying whirr of all the printers and copiers back in action and sit back with a smug feeling that they can't actually do without the anorak.

This is the point where I turn to check my own printer and see a very familiar photo of a rear end emerging. With the sickening realisation that this has been sent to every machine in the office, I begin to pack up my belongings.
About the Author
Office expert Shaun Parker looks into the ordering of ink cartridges from an unhappy junior. To find out more please visit http://www.inksave.co.uk/
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