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Hopping Into Someone Else's Skin

Dec 27, 2007
You've heard the saying; you can't know someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. This is a technique on how to gain rapport by jumping into another person, stepping in, sliding in, moving in, being in that person, figuratively walking a mile in their shoes. Harper Lee wrote in To Kill a Mockingbird, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

By climbing into our prospect's skin, we can share their experience, feel their affluence, understand their decision making strategies and emotional states. This helps us to give them exactly what they need through our products and services.

Our unconscious mind is a goal-seeking mechanism, and it's a pattern recognition device that is incredibly brilliant and it can immediately pick up characteristics of others so that when we step into them, it already has formulated what we're going to be experiencing.

How are we going to do this? The way I do it is I just look at you and jump in. I imagine in my mind that I am now you looking at me. It's that simple. When I look at you, my unconscious, knowing that I'm going to step inside you, can very quickly build a pattern of who and what you are, such that when I step inside you, it already has constructed what's going to happen. Once I'm inside you, I'm modeling you, or mirroring you so completely and so powerfully that the results can be startling both for you and for the person that this is being done with.

Many of my students ask, 'Is this real?' Well. . . I don't know. And really, I don't care. It's a mental construct. I know that for sure. And I am making it up in my mind that I'm in your body looking out through your eyes. . .

I've never seen a faster way of gaining rapport than this exercise. If we're specifically working with an affluent clientle, this is phenomenally powerful especially if we're not as wealthy as we want to be.

There is a finite number of patterns that exist. For example, there are twelve astrological signs. And say, seven personality types, and other ways of classifying people. Our pattern recognition software identifies all of the possible combinations.

This is a construct. We are constructing an image. Will it be accurate? Not exactly, but that's okay, because if we're in front of them, and we're hearing them and we're seeing them, and if they're moving, we keep changing our construct until it's identical to what they are, so for every minute, every second that goes by, ours gets better, and more complete and more powerful, and we're locking right in to that person.

When you step in, you want to leave yourself behind and see through their eyes. When you do this, it establishes rapport at a very, very profound and deep level. Once you're in them, you've really moved along the process of rapport, and you've moved it along because you're so completely identifying with all of their behaviors, and all of who they are.

Try making this more tangible by "feeling" what their clothes feel like or if the person is of the opposite gender, feel what that feels like and maybe take on a few of those characteristics.

What are their physical characteristics? How does it feel to have those characteristics? Notice when you step into the other person, where you feel the connection to them. Do you feel the connection in your stomach, in your feet, in your hands, in your chest, in your head? Where do you feel the connection? By asking yourself these questions you'll deepen the rapport.

Keep this in mind before you do this: if the person is physically sick, mentally ill, or if you have the intuition that they might not be a savory character, do not jump into them. This can be hard to shake off and may stick with you in an unpleasant way.

This is a powerful exercise and even if you're not tremendously in touch with "energy", you can still use this to your advantage in persuasion.
About the Author
Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of affluent prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.
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