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Do You Have A Dominant Partner?

Dec 29, 2007
In the real world today, as I see it, there are two different types of relationships. The first of course is the one most would recognize and think they have. The second one not only is the oldest but most frowned upon by todays social standards.

The most commonly accepted type of relationship today is the 'vanilla' relationship. In this type of relationship roles and responsibilities are equally divided amond the partners. The day to day control of the partnership is shared by both. It is probable if not possible that both partners have jobs outside the home or possibly one may be a stay at home parent. In any case each shares the responsibilities for all the decisions that would affect the overall health of the relationship.

Secondly there is the "D/s" or "tradional" lifestyle. In this type of relationship one partner has more control over the day to day decisions that affect the security and tranquility of the relationship. It is possible but not necessary that one of the partners may be a stay at home parent if there are children in the family. There aren't any guidelines that specify which partner, the female or male, might take on the role of dominant or submissive.

Social conditioning has taught us to believe that 'vanilla' relationships are better for everyone involved. There are however hundreds of thousands if not millions of people that would strongly argue that a "D/s" relationship is more likely to stand the test of time. I am a submissive woman and have lived a traditional lifestyle with my husband of many years. I don't just believe but I know the relationship we share is as strong if not stronger than any relationship of fifty years. Most of my friends found it disturbing in the beginning when they first learned of our lifestyle. In time and after seeing our relationship for what it really is they have all admitted their preconceptions were wrong and in many cases have admitted that they wish for a relationship as strong as ours.

Consider history. In bibical times it was accepted and expected that both partners would have very specific roles. Typically the women had the responsibility for the home and children while the men were the 'hunter/gatherers'. It has been the norm throughout history for women to be relegated to a subordinated position with their relationships. Even today many countries believe this to be the only way of life. The comical thing is that up until the 20th century and even well into the 20th century, 'D/s' lifestyles were the norm instead of the exception. Back when the divorce rates were lower, children were taught the meaning of respect and honestly and even religion was at the center of a families core values. Hmm makes you think doesn't it?

Today in contrast to the past, it is expected of partners to share equally in the roles of hunter gatherer, cook, maid, child rearer etc. Given the state of the world today, highest crimes rates in all history, an almost complete disregard for teaching children the values of respecting others and honesty, I must question if society has helped or hindered relationships as a whole. I'm sure many will read this and think I'm completely nuts, but it is my opinion.

Sadly, but also funny is that if you really look at many relationship you would find that many of these couples live at least a semi-traditional lifestyle. They have an unspoken seperation of roles and responsibilities but just are afraid to let any outsiders see it for what it is. Fear of being criticized is what drives this underground lifetsyle I believe. It takes a strong person to accept specific roles in a relationship and allow the other partner total control of other things. I do believe if these people that live in the closet would just accept the advantages to a traditional lifestyle the world could be a better place. Just my opinion though.

Consider the following and then ask yourself; "could I be one of those living in the closet"? You might find that some of the qualities I've listed below apply to you or your partner and if that is the case, maybe you will pause the next time you feel it necessary to be critical of how others choose to live.

1. Dominant partners are keen to the reality that they are not perfect.

2. A Dominant has taken the time to accept his or her flaws as an individual, has come to terms with them, and determined how best to control and deal with them effectively.

3. A Dominant has come to realize that "proof" of his or her Dominance does not come from the person who calls him or her "the boss", but rather from within themselves, by proof of their personality, ethics, standards, and values, combined with their particular needs within this spectrum.

4. A Dominant has realized that they have the responsibility to themselves to inform as thoroughly as possible regarding the wide ranging aspects of a traditional lifestyle. They take the time to consider what their own needs are within each aspect of their life and are capable of clearly expressing those needs to a submissive partner.

5. Life experience have taught them the importance of trust and respect in any relationship, and they recognize that their partner can only submit to a partner with the type character that makes them worthy of trust and respect.

6. Dominants understand and accept that before expecting someone to give over control to them that they first must have total control of their own lives first.

7. A Dominant will understand that words such as integrity, character, honesty, fairness and consistency represent concepts that are apparent throughout all areas of a Dominant's life. They are not mere words to be used and applied selectively when they may be to your advantage. Not only are those words representative of the character of the person, they are hallmarks of the character of a Dominant person.

Think about these qualities and ask yourself. Do these things sound familiar? If they do then you might be one of those living in the closet, or at least you might find you have the basic building blocks to build a relationship that can withstand almost anything life can throw at you. Next time you hear someone say "we live a traditional lifestyle" stop and think before being critical. You will be a better person for it.
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