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How To Get Your Ex Back, And Keep Her Forever

Dec 29, 2007
I can see it now, you tried your hardest to make it work but she just seemed to get more and more distant, unfortunately you never saw it coming, that dreaded day when for no reason at all she decided to dump you. I understand how much it hurts, I've been there before and it's never good, especially when you don't believe you've done anything wrong. But let there not be despair, for you can win back her heart, although it's not the way most people teach or understand, for often what you think will win her back only drives her further away.

Generally there are 2 reasons for a breakup, the first is to go out the back door, where she loves but hates you at the same time, maybe you were too arrogant or treated her worse than she deserved. The second way is the way most guys often cause the breakup, and that's going out the front door, being too overly nice, letting her walk all over you, and being incredibly clingy and needy. Now society often tells us if we want to win a girl back, buy her flowers and chocolates and show how much you love her. Unfortunately this method of getting a girl back ONLY works if you went out the backdoor and treated her badly. If you went out the front door this WILL NOT WORK, no way, no how, you're just doing more of the thing she hates, how could that possibly make her want to take you back?

If you went out the front door there is hope, but its going to take a lot of willpower and most likely isn't what you want to hear, however, pay attention for if you don't take heed and decide to buy her flowers instead... well... there's not much hope for ever getting her back into your life.

So you're still with me here? Good. To start off with, you need to re-frame the situation, don't think of it as getting her back, you need to reverse the situation in your mind to imagine that it's her that wants to get back into your life, I know its hard, but it works and as soon as you start thinking and really believing this, she will feel it and start feeling it too.

Now one of the worst things you can do when your trying to get her back is beg/plead or complain to her, for its going to send her running far far away. Don't call her all the time (in fact don't call her at all unless its to arrange a meetup, which is explained later), and especially don't try and *bump* into her at work or something, 99% of the time when I see guys try and do that they are so completely obvious and see through about it.

Before you even think about getting her back make sure you have figured out what the problem was that drove her away and fix it. Now never ask her why she broke up (or at least don't take that as a valid answer) because whatever reason why gives is nearly always not the truth, she is lying to protect you from the cold hard realities of real life, it sucks, but its true. Usually the main things they come up with are either

- Want to concentrate more on their work/studies

- Not looking for a relationship right now

- They accuse you of being too uncaring/unloving

All of these are completely and utterly false (and I'm sure if your reading this far you're definitely not an uncaring/unloving person). Most usually the top 3 reasons for her wanting to break up are either:

- You were being too clingy/needy

- You were letting her walk all over you

- You weren't being an alpha male

Yep, pretty much all relationships which end because you go out the front door involve one or more of those reasons. You need to discover what it is your doing (were you calling all the time, wanting to hang out constantly, not giving her time to miss you, what was it?) and fix it BEFORE you even attempt to talk to her again.

So now you've got that handled what do you do next? We'll the next thing to do is fill your life up with stuff, join a club, play a sport, take up an instrument, join a gym (joining a gym is a really good idea actually, releases endorphins that help out a lot with breakup blues and you get better looking for her or the next girl that comes along) anything you like. Not only will this take your mind off her but it gives you something to talk about when you meet up with her again, and it appears that your moving on with life and not pining over her anymore (which she will like). Plus the less time you have to spend with women, the more time they want to spend with you.

Next up is the meetup, don't try and meet up with her one on one to discuss your *feelings* and how you long for her again yada, yada, yada, she'll appear to sympathize with you for all of about 30 minutes then as soon as you've finished, she will walk away and decide she never wants to see you again, and I can 100% guarantee that.

To meet up with her invite her out for something with a group of your mates (and get her to bring friends along too if she likes). Then when you have a meetup treat her just like any other friend, joke around, have fun and tease her a little as if shes your little sister who you like to pick on and have fun with. This will get her wondering "wow he really has moved on with life... maybe I still do like him", or at the very least it won't push her away. Also If there are other girls out with you flirt with them a bit (don't do it just to get a reaction from your ex, just have fun) and your ex will catch on and if there is any inkling of love left in her she will start to feel jealous, and as we all know, jealousy works wonders.

Now sometimes she may not want you back and this has no effect at all, if so not much is going to help and your best bet is to move on and see other women, which in itself isn't such a bad thing, you may find a girl 10x better than your ex.

If she does show signs of interest, don't try and make moves or go all soppy on her at the first sign, act like a man, pretend its nothing and make her work to win you back. You're the prize here that she's trying to get back into her life, so act like one, play hard to get and she'll soon be back in your arms.

Most of all don't ask her out one on one until your completely 100% sure she's into you again, don't act like you did before getting all clingy and needy and wanting to see her all the time, and definitely don't start buying her diner/flowers etc just because she's back in your life, you should be the prize she wants, not the other way around.

Try it out now and if it doesn't work out, don't sweat it, there are plenty of resources here on lets inspire that will allow you to attract any women you desire and with 3 billion women out there, as much as you think there aren't, I'm 100% sure there are plenty more amazing women out there for you. Just keep living an awesome life, seeing other women and if you're meant to be with your ex forever, something will happen to bring you together again, if not, it just wasn't meant to be.
About the Author
Do you make these mistakes with Women? 10 Things Women REALLY want but will never tell
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