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How To Get People To Give You What You Want

Aug 17, 2007


Don't worry, I'm not about to suggest any mind control techniques!

In fact, I'm going to suggest something quite the opposite. But first, let me explain why this article is about "getting people to give you what you want."

Well, the truth is, no matter what you do for a living - whether you're self-employed, run a business, manage people or work for someone else -- you need OTHER PEOPLE'S HELP to get ahead.

Whether it's getting customers to buy, managers to promote you or give you a pay rise, colleagues to help you... much of your success -- however you define it -- depends on persuading people to give you what you want.

So how do you do it?

You know what I'm about to say, right?

Yes, that's right: to get others to give you what you want, you must first give them what THEY want.

But within that simple statement are some critical distinctions.

Firstly, you need to find out what that someone else REALLY wants. This may or may not be obvious... and it may not be what they say they want!

Here's a clue: focus on the BENEFIT they're seeking, rather than the MEANS by which they think they'll get that benefit. In many cases, a different means is just as (if not more) effective to delivering the benefit they want.

Which is just as well, because you may only be able to deliver the benefit through an alternative means.

Your next "task" is to identify whether you can -- and are willing -- to provide what this person wants. Will the "cost" of you providing it be too much (greater than the benefit you'll gain)?

Or is it no sweat at all?

Finally, you need to be able to COMMUNICATE to the other person that if they give you what you want, you'll give them what they want.

This "persuasive communication" (otherwise known as good, old-fashioned SELLING) firstly requires you to communicate in a way that the person UNDERSTANDS. (NOT how you "think" they'll understand.)

So you need to use the language they understand best -- not just in terms of "speaking language", but also in terms of using sensory cues (e.g. diagrams, sounds, etc), and explanatory "techniques" (e.g. stories, examples, etc) that appeal to them.

Secondly, you need to be PERSUASIVE. This involves appealing to the person's emotional triggers, motivations, beliefs, attitudes, values and sense of logic.

A lot of selling and negotiation training programs focus on "persuasion." And rightly so. But you can probably see that YOU'LL ONLY BE PERSUASIVE if:

-- You know what the person really wants;
-- You can (and are willing to) give it to them; and
-- You communicate clearly (so they understand).

So that's all there is to getting people to give you what you want!

Okay, okay, I never said it was easy ;-) But it is effective -- you just need to patiently and diligently discover what your "prospect" truly wants; decide that you can and will provide this to them; and communicate that you will give them what they want if they give you what you want through clear and persuasive communication.
About the Author
Anna Johnson is the author of the How To Manage People System, including her book, How To Manage People (Even If You're A Control Freak!). Get Anna's FREE 12-page report How To Be An Outstanding Manager - The 8 Vital Keys To Managing People Effectively
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