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Married Couples Going To Bed Angry Will Struggle

Jan 2, 2008
Ok, the saying is not new right? "Never go to bed angry". I know for a fact that this one piece of advice plays a roll in my successful relationship with my wife; and will in your marriage too. It forces you to start each day with a clear slate and a happy outlook.

When you get married, you are absolutely in love. You can't imagine problems will arise that you don't have today... you can't really see years down the road and all the things that will be thrown into your path to trip up the relationship you have cultivated since you said, "I do".

Truth be told, most married couples are going to have those little fights and arguments. It's almost impossible to avoid. The first few years of a marriage especially is a big test as to whether you can deal with the other person's annoying tendencies and habits.

You must understand something up front. From day one and through the years, you'll need to except the fact that arguments and disagreements are normal; it's perfectly natural even. We are ALL human right?

As perfect a match as you may be, you are going to have differences. You are two different people and most of you reading this are going to be two different genders. Your individual personalities are going to cause small cracks in your marriage.

The question is, "How can you strengthen your marriage so that all these minor to major cracks can be mended or managed?"

First, get everything out in the open. Put it out there... some fear might come with this; you might fear how the other would react. Some, "I don't want to deal with this" attitude might come into play, but it's far worse in the long run not to deal with stuff.

Don't keep it all bottled up. Let it out!

Don't worry if you or the other raises their voice. It's part of the process. Certainly keeping it all inside isn't going to do any good; it will just build up and will have a very negative impact on your relationship with each other.

Once it's out there you have all the information you need to start the healing process. Reason with each other. Try to understand one another's point of view. Respect each others side of the disagreement and find a way to make amends.

If you truly love each other, you should have no problem patching things up.

The idea is to start with a clean slate every morning. You want to get it all out there and handle it the night before.

You don't want to wait until tomorrow to face it. You don't want to wait until next week... you don't want to wait until the other seems to be in a better mood. Don't keep it inside.

Handle it today.

If towards the end of the day, you are agitated with the other, ask the other to take a few minutes to talk.

I want you to forgive, hug and kiss her (or him) before you hit the pillow.

Maybe you'll find out the other didn't actually do what you thought they did. Maybe you misread it. Maybe they did do it, but didn't mean to do it. And vice versa.

Many arguments are just misunderstandings.

I have told my own wife in the past, "Why do you think I would have done this to hurt you on purpose?" The bottom line is, if I really love her, I wouldn't. And if she knows I love her, this will give her pause and we'll be on a quick path to recovery.

She knows I can be a dunce; I'm a guy! What I perceive as harmless, she can perceive as downright rude and inconsiderate. I'm not afraid to admit I'm the one in the wrong. This admission of error, in itself, strengthens our relationship even more.

If you don't want to struggle in your marriage, communicate, get it out in the open and handled before bed. This is an important route to reconciliation and a healthy marriage.

-Joe Taylor
About the Author
Joe Taylor is a respected writer and owner of Joe Taylors Relationship Advice Website. He runs and writes for his own newsletter and posts to his Relationships and Dating Tips Blog every week.
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