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Relationship Advice: Are They Cheating? Three Ways to Find Out

Jan 4, 2008
In the classic song by the great Hank Williams there is a line that goes, "you're cheatin heart will tell on you." To quote from another song by George Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so."

The ideal situation is of course for every partner to remain true to the one they vowed to cherish. The reality is that cheating is as old as time and is not going anywhere. Whether they feel they are stuck in a loveless relationship, find themselves attracted to someone new or just the thrill of doing something that is a bit reckless is beside the point. The fact is you have strong suspicions that your partner is out tomcatting around.

You may have mixed feelings about finding out. Why? Because it feels weird spying on someone you care about. However, after careful consideration you have made the decision that you want to know. So how do you go about it?

1. Ask questions
You want to do this without turning into Perry Mason; in other words do not be obvious. The point is to see if there are any inconsistencies in what they are telling you. Little white lies have a startling way of exposing major problems. This will require you to pick and choose different time frames to ask seemingly innocuous questions. Cheating and not getting caught takes a certain amount of cleverness so you must do the same in your line of questioning.

2. Attention to Detail
Your partner says they are going to some fast food joint to get something to eat. No problem, except they have been gone for two hours and the restaurant is only twenty minutes from the house. They tell you they sat down to eat, traffic was heavy or they ran into an old friend. Again, do not be afraid to ask questions and take note of their body language.

Sometimes you do not have to say anything. Attention to detail can also include checking the phone bill or bank statements for anything out of the ordinary. How is the credit card looking? Suspicious charges are good indicators.

It should be noted that if you are using a phone bill to investigate be careful. Seeing a number that you do not recognize may have your emotions racing ahead of you. Calling that number in a panic only to find out it belongs to a relative can put you in a pretty awkward situation. If it is someone your partner is having an affair with, try to remain calm. Sometimes the other person has no idea that they have become involved with someone who is already in a relationship. If your partner is deceiving you than the chances are pretty good they are pulling the same con on someone else.

3. The Gumshoe
You want to know what's going on but don't have the stomach (understandable) to do your own investigation. This is where the private investigator comes in. Unlike T.V. where the investigator gets into all kinds of far fetched adventures, catching a cheating spouse or partner is how many of them make a living; and business is always good. Private eyes can be expensive but keep in mind they have the resources and experience to give you a definite yes or no on whether your partner is cheating.

You sure hope your suspicions are wrong but there is no getting around the fact that you want to know whether your partner is cheating. You can investigate yourself or hire a professional but either way you must prepare yourself for the answers and that includes one which could put an end to your relationship. It is a nasty business but it is much better to find out sooner rather than later.
About the Author
The cold hard truth is people cheat. Find out how to deal with The Reality of an Unfaithful Partner
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