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Attention New Moms: What To Do When Your Husband Becomes A Stranger

Jan 9, 2008
Moms, we are not in this new motherhood thing alone, men have to deal with it too. Really, they aren't getting the easy end of the deal either. They may not have had to give birth physically, but emotionally they are pretty level with us. Because becoming a new dad is just as tough as becoming a new mom, parenting can lead to difficulties for a couple.

Most couples will tell you that they were surprised about the impact having a baby had on their relationship. It really doesn't matter how well planned things were, or how much communication goes on before the birth of the child, there really is no way to prepare for the change that new parenthood has on a couple. As important as it is to figure out who you are as a woman after you become a mom, it is also important that you and your husband make sure you stay connected to each other.

The couple issues that are normally present in new parent relationships include differences in libido, finger pointing, and frustration. Sex is an issue because women can become afraid of sex, or their sex drives can decrease after giving birth. Reduced libido is a complex issue, but can occur as a result of poor self image or fatigue just to name two. For your husband this reduced libido is a point of frustration because he still finds you desirable, and it can be upsetting that his sexual feelings are not reciprocated. These types of issues can often lead to finger pointing and irritation because something about parenthood seems to highlight the other person's flaws.

Many new moms say that when junior arrives every flaw your spouse has is suddenly outlined in neon yellow and equipped with a siren. If your husband knows you at all, he will sense your irritation and this can often make him feel defensive and inadequate as a dad. Just keep reminding yourself that being a new dad is just as difficult as being a new mom. Frustration exists on both sides, and right now most of the world is focused on the baby. There is little time alone for the two of you and when you are together, you can spend a lot of time complaining and judging.

As many couples do survive and stay together (often happily) after having a baby, there has to be a way to make your relationship better during this tough time...

... there is!!

You need to reconnect with each other. You both need to want to make your relationship better. You both need to be realistic in what you expect from one another and you need to talk to each other openly and honestly. Tell each other what you want and what you need and really hear what your spouse is telling you.

For as much as becoming a new mom is about the baby it is also about the marriage. Date each other again regularly. Make it a set time and day and treat it as an urgent meeting. Take turns to organize something and surprise the other. This could be as simple as a picnic lunch in your back yard while the baby is taking a nap (which is what baby monitors were invented for).

Take a bath together before going to bed, or give each other a massage, but whatever you do, find a way to both relax and give yourselves intimate time alone just holding each other. The bottom line is you have to freshen and refuel the relationship.
About the Author
Salena Kulkarni is the creator of http://www.NewMommyMentor.com, and has just released a free audio on how new moms can feel energized, get back in shape, eliminate emotional overwhelm, and experience the amazing fulfillment of motherhood in 30 days or less!
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