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Dirty Little Secrets Of Cheating Spouses

Feb 5, 2008
Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor - rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you're spouse is cheating on you.

To start, the slow realization of a cheating spouse is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your suspicions. Perhaps he/she has many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse just seems "absent" from your relationship - but happy. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the moment when adultery became reality in their life.

No two affairs are the same, but the majority of unfaithful spouses have some dirty traits in common. These same traits are the tools to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.

Unfaithful spouses actually hate lying to you - that is, at the beginning. Yes, it is true. Most unfaithful spouses really struggle with the overwhelming dishonesty at first. Over time, their guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.

Unfaithful spouses are also very stressed-out human beings. All the stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming and begin to take its toll. While a brand-new affair is not quite as stressful as an older affair, most cheating spouses sub-consciously wish you would catch them so it will all just be over.

Cheating spouses rely on today's technology to keep the affair alive and in tact. Things like email and cell phone make affairs much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to have in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking the email and cell phone accounts. Any strange email address or cell phone number should be investigated for your peace of mind.

Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding.

If infidelity is confirmed in your relationship, there are things you must keep in mind. The next steps, actions and decisions are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your precious energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.

Unfaithful spouses thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses allow into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is stronger than your desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues to be healed is the betrayed spouse - You. Take all the time you need for yourself and heal yourself before you begin any other adjustments in your life.
About the Author
Visit YourCheatedHeart.com for more infidelity resources and a confidential cell phone number trace service.
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