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Christian Men And Dating Advice

Feb 15, 2008
If there was ever a balancing act in our lives, it's the one in which we have to balance our desires, and our beliefs.

Speaking to you as someone who's struggled, at times, with his faith and his urges as a man, I believe I have a unique perspective on how the two fit together.

It is natural to want to stay true to what we believe in. And for most Christian men, it is important that love occur within the boundaries of church.

Sex during marriage only is one of those boundaries.

I don't judge this tenant. Some people choose to follow it. I believe this is just as valid as the people who choose not to follow it.

Ancient legends tell us that when we partake of sex with one another, a part of their soul lingers with ours and we carry that piece of soul around with us for the rest of our lives.

Keeping your virginity for your wife is a wise choice since this is true in some respects.

Ultimately, this presents a distinctive confrontation for men who wish to remain true to their faith.

To enable yourself to continue attracting a woman, while fostering a relationship as you wait for marriage is achievable, however, you must take note of a few perspectives.

Sex is important after all, since marriage to someone sexually incompatible is a difficult union for anyone.

Here is some advice I've come up with specifically for men who face this issue of romance vs. faith.

1. Refine your beliefs

Keep in mind that things will be easier when you clarify your beliefs, since it is your faith, which guides you through your life.

God gave us free will and the ability to think and reason. It is up to us to look at all our options and decide what path to take. You may believe in some of what the Church teaches, but not all. Or, you may embrace all of the Church's teachings.

You must refine and clarify your beliefs and then stick to them, no matter your choices.

2. Be aware that God has a plan for you.

Keep your faith in knowing God has a plan to unite you and the woman who is meant for you.

Since you have free will, you have to take action while striving to take advantage of all opportunities presented to you. Remember, God can only do so much.

To find the right woman for you, you must be proactive.

Going out to meet women, getting to know them and dating are not things that just happen unexpectedly. You have to make it happen. Your beliefs help you stay on the plan for your life.

3. Know that Virginity is not mystical or precious.

You must understand that sex is a natural act, such as walking, talking and taking in air; it is something that we do. Sometimes the way some individuals consider virginity is confusing and unbalanced.

Man was meant to be fruitful and multiply. Sex is one of the greatest gifts we have from God. It is pleasurable because he meant for us to have sex.

So to look at your virginity as something sacred is not helpful. Virginity is meant to be lost - the real challenge is finding the right person to lose it to!

Sex of course is an aspect of spirituality. It is one in which you find the person who makes you feel alive, loved and completed. This is distinct from the sexual act, since it vibrates within a higher level of your soul.

Striving to achieve this type of intimacy helps you determine if the physical aspects are in tune also.

Do not be afraid to be intimate with women! Kissing, hugging, touching - this is all fine. But sharing your hopes and dreams, staring deep into her eyes and feeling her inner-most desires... that is where true intimacy stems from.

4. Look at women as real people, and do not put them on a pedestal.

Because of the importance places on sex in your faith, it might be easy to artificially inflate a woman's importance.

Perhaps you consider her a goddess, a delicate flower, something you should cherish and treat special.

But women are no different from me. God cut us both from the same cloth. To treat a woman as though she is special, just because you are sexually attracted to her, is not the same as respecting her.

Loving an ideal is easy, although it is difficult at times to love reality. Remember women too get cranky when hungry, awakens with morning breath and asks you to take out the garbage. This is reality.

Rather than idealizing a woman, you have to learn to love the reality of her. Sex is only one of her aspects, since as humans we share many of the same qualities.

When we see girls as people, just like us, we are able to get a clearer picture of whether or not we are meant to be with them.
About the Author
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