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Divorced Dads Tips: Getting Information about The Kids

Feb 25, 2008
DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.

Here's a common problem for divorced dads - Getting Information about the Kids from teachers, doctors and others.

Do you feel you're being ignored and excluded from crucial events and information in your child's life because you're a divorced dad? Do your child's teachers, coaches, and doctors defer to their mother without consulting you, sending the message that just because you're divorced, you've somehow stopped being a parent?

I can certainly attest to feeling like that.

Despite the fact that I had custody and my kids lived with me full time, I found that teachers ignored my questions, but discussed my kids' education in depth with their mother. The same went for doctors.

Believe it or not, this is a common problem that divorced dads face whether they are stay-at-home fathers who have custody of their children or whether they are in a situation with no custody agreement.

It may be unfair, but the world tends to have a natural deference to the mother, and the father is often left in the dark.

Don't despair. There are things you can do.

First of all, I suggest coming to our weekly calls to learn many ways to succeed in getting others to recognize your important role in your child's life. While it's not a substitute for legal advice, it is a great way to augment that with practical advice from the perspective of fathers who have already had success in Family Court.

Next, recognize that we do not live necessarily in a fair and just world to begin with. We all long for fairness and want justice, but we do not live in a perfect world. The first step in moving forward is recognizing exactly where you are and defining where you want to be in order to anticipate what your difficulties are going to be and what your strategies is, in order to not make situation worse.

For example, I could have just flipped my lid when those school officials, teachers and doctors treated me like I did not exist. I could have gotten angry, beat my chest, proclaimed my fathers' rights and threatened to sue. But that would not have gotten me to the other end of the solution I wanted in any way, shape or form. Instead, I would have pigeonholed myself in their opinions as an "angry man", an impression that, once formed, is very difficult to break.

Instead, I focused on building rapport. When two people have a rapport, the one who is the most consistent on their message and the most emphatic with their message is the one who will win the argument. Staying on point is the key element. If what you truly desire is improvement concerning an aspect of your child's life, whether it be getting their grades up or deciding on a medical treatment. Stay focused, build rapport, read your audience that you are delivering your message to and stay on point.

If you do these things you cannot fail but to be your child's best advocate.

During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That's why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.

If you've lost in Family Court, don't give up. There is always hope. You've likely lost because you didn't understand that winning requires effectively "waging peace" for your children.

If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.
About the Author
Danny Guspie - Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at

where we will share with you what works for successful divorced dads.
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