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Divorced Dads Tips: Court Orders That Easily Increase Time with Your Child

Feb 25, 2008
Here are some examples of typical problems divorced dads regularly face, and their initial solutions, which you must test and observe. If you are getting the results you want, then see what you can do to gain momentum and acceleration by intensifying what you are doing. However, if it's making things worse, stop and re-evaluate. Do something different if necessary.


Danny, can you give us an example of what you mean by specific times? Are you talking like every second weekend from Friday and 6 p.m.?

The typical first of orders that dads initially get don't have any specifics when it comes to access / visitation unless if they are with an inexperienced lawyer or are representing themselves without doing the necessary educational work beforehand.

For example, an order should specify that you will pick up the kid at 6:00 on Friday and drop the child off at 6:00 Sunday, then if the child is not there or they are not answering the phone, then all of sudden you can say, "I followed these instructions and I'm not able to see my child." When you bring it back to a Family Court Judge for enforcement and Police assistance.

Then you are able to start taking it up notch by notch, as is necessary to get compliance from Mom, or the Court to begin taking action if Mom refuses to comply.

But here is the problem that most people do not realize and they do not recognize. They believe that the justice system is going to be absolutely fair and unbiased and perfect. And, it's a slow and expensive process. Nothing goes quickly, and you must get used to that fact.

We do not live in a perfect world.

We live in an extremely unfair world. Murderers are set free early for committing horrendous crimes. Family court is no different. There are good judges. There are bad judges. There are indifferent judges.

Even judges have bad days.

It comes down to this fact at the end of the day: You have got to be the educated party and be very, very vigorous with the game plan in order to make significant progress. If you do not have a game plan, then you are essentially adrift. If you are adrift, you are at the mercy of the biases and the bigotry that goes on at Family Court.

We know that the Family Courts often seem to favor mothers and to the detriment of the children. However we know that moms and dads are important to children. That is a fact, and no amount of social science theory is going to change that fact. Just watch how young children love to horse around with their fathers.

I've seen judges throw the book at mothers who misbehave and I had seen judges who award custody to fathers when they have been able to prove the case. It is not as easy when you are a father, but it can be done. We have done a plenty of times here for a lot of fathers that we helped over the years.


Some divorced dads have asked us: Will it be possible for me to at least talk with my 5-year-old daughter on Christmas night? Does her mom have the absolute right to not let me speak with our daughter? What if she does, do I have a right to change that or call her?

Is there a way to get around that since we live in different cities, different states/provinces? Is there any official who can help me with an order that allows me to call my daughter? Is there a common family law which rules equally in different places?

Let us start at the beginning of this. If you have got someone who is misbehaving in the first place, you have got to be very, very vigorous in going after that kind of behavior. If you let it slide, you have acquiesced to what it is that is taking place.

What that means is this: There is a principle in law that if you do not do something about a wrong when it occurs, then in essence you are agreeing to it. You are saying it is okay and it is not a problem.

In other words, your inaction means it is okay with you You've consented by virtue of your actions or inactions.

So, even though in truth, it is not okay with you, but you did not know what to do, so you have been kind of sitting on the sidelines thinking, "What can I do about it?" That actually works against you.

It is almost like you have to reverse psychology of the bully. The bully will keep prodding and prodding and prodding and prodding to get their way. You have got to be vigorous, but in a friendly way.

In other words, do not give up. Do not just sit back and say, "Well, I don't know what to do now." Or "It is too frustrating" or "I don't wanna do this." If you take that route, you can't complain about it.

Let's face it. You're going through not only the financial constraints, the emotional constraints, but the obstacles of not being educated about how the Family Court operates. It is almost like you have to start thinking like a lawyer to be able to defend yourself.

That can be pretty difficult.

However, you need to know that there are many, many divorced dads who have successfully learned the skills necessary to succeed.

I should know I am one of those dads. And I have helped countless divorced dads to win when there cases seemed impossible to win. But it takes time, patience, skill, and the winning attitude. Be prepared to give up the things that are hurting your case. Sometimes divorced dads can be their own worst enemy, because they seek perfect justice instead of a swift successful strategy that has worked for many divorced dads.

You can make it if you try. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
About the Author
Danny Guspie - Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at

where we will share with you what works for successful divorced dads.
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