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How To Cope With Bereavement

Feb 25, 2008
If you are past your teens you probably suffered the loss of someone you care for. After all death is as common as birth but somehow we do not view it as part of the natural process of life. Our culture does not support grieving. Many of us are afraid of death, we don't understand it and therefore suppress any emotions as best as we can. Unfortunately this coping mechanism, one that is encouraged by our society also, has got many a hidden danger. The danger is that suppressed emotions around bereavement can well truly ruin your life and you may not even know it.

When faced with the prospect of someone dear to us dying we invariably are pushed to our limits and quite often beyond. As if coping with life's changed circumstances wasn't enough we also are pushed to the limits of our understanding of what it is all about.

Losing someone suddenly, or when we are very young highlights these existentialist fears. Modern society has not got the support system extended families used to provide in the past. In our busy lives we do not take the time out to connect properly with each other, let alone give each other the luxury of compassion through listening caring and understanding when someone goes through the trauma of loss.

This is a great shame and explains why proper counselling is so important for anyone who has suffered a loss.Seeking refuge in religions or cults unfortunately is not a sound idea. Whilst it might give you temporary support, it is also a surefire way of giving away your personal power or freedom. In fact looking for support in that way can be downright dangerous and lead you when you are already out of balanced into a place of delusion and estranging you from yourself as well as the real world.

Another coping mechanism often sought is drugs, alcohol, tranquillisers or antidepressants. It is easy to become dependant On these and apart from the obvious dangers to your physical health, extended use of drugs can seriously ruin a life. It stands to reason to seek help sooner rather then later. Because the sooner you do the easier and less painful will be your journey back to normality.

After all grieving over loss is an natural process and if faced and integrated properly can enhance your future rather then diminishing it. ANy kind of trauma has a lesson hidden beneath it. When you see this and integrate the lesson, whatever it may be for you, you will get over your loss so much faster.

Any kind of loss needs integrating

Bereavement, grief, loss of course goes way beyond losing someone we care for. In fact, divorce, the loss of health or money are all in the same category and need to be coped with and integrated when they occur.

I repeat: failure to do so can seriously affect the quality of your life. "Getting on with life" is the catch phrase of our society. Too many of us live by this adage and are true masters of suppression and self delusion.

This is all well and good but I know from my own experience and experience with many clients that unless you face the bereavement and fully integrate it, you will suffer unnecessarily. Parts of your life will not work and sometimes 20 or 30 years later you may realise why, often you may never know where the real reason for your problems originated. .That is a tragic waste indeed.

Of course this need not be so. With energy therapy and cognitive therapy you can work gently at resolving, integrating and healing the trauma of any kind of loss. Fortunately there are many techniques available today and you can take your pick.

If you are lucky enough to realise that you may need help getting over the death of someone you care for or your divorce, or whatever else it may be, take steps now to help you recover your equilibrium faster and get your life back on track. Whatever your belief system, one thing is for sure, you have only one shot at this particular life and you may as well be kind to yourself and get the tools to navigate it as skilfully as you can.
About the Author
Mercedes Oestermann van Essen is an Energy Therapist who helps people integrate mind, body and environment for a healthier life
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