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Relationship Challenged? The Truth About Relationship Instincts

Feb 26, 2008
Are you always single or in dead end relationships while others around you seem to always find a great guy and keep him? Not only do you wish your relationships were more like theirs, you deserve them to be! What causes the difference between dead end relationships and lasting ones?

I've recently experienced something that might help answer this question. Six weeks ago, I gave birth to my son. Recently, I've begun to figure out this little guy and how to meet his needs. It's interesting. In becoming a mother again, I've been reminded what mother's instincts are all about and what they are not.

I used to think that mother's instincts were magical powers given to a new mom that gave her the ability to know all of her baby's needs and how to solve them. You can imagine my disappointment and embarrassment when I didn't receive this special power when either of my children were born. On the contrary, I felt very lost and incapable. What I did inherit with childbirth was a deep desire to nurture my baby and care for him no matter what happened. I'd do anything for him, including turn my life upside down to accommodate a new baby.

After speaking with countless mothers, I've come to realize that the all knowing aspect of a mother's instinct is false. Each mother's instinct is similar to my own. We may not know everything and make plenty of mistakes, but the love and desire to do right by our children comes very quickly and naturally from the moment you first hold your child.

In my professional experience as a relationship advisor, I have seen the same pattern in people's romantic relationships. Everyone seems to have the instinct to desire a good relationship. Yet, just as mothers don't know everything about being a mother by instinct, we often don't know how to create a good relationship by instinct either. This part must be learned by asking advice from those who know how relationships work. By doing so, we can begin applying that natural desire and end up in the relationships we all naturally want to be in.

When you find yourself single again or in a dead end relationship, don't give up. You deserve and have what it takes to be in a happy one. Today is the day to stop going at it alone and take the courageous step in asking for help. Once you know the steps to take, your desire will help you do the rest, and you'll end up in the relationship you have wanted so badly.
About the Author
If you are still single, beginning a relationship, or healing from heartache , Wendy Bridger, MSSW, provides you with the tools you want to create a soulmate relationship.
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